agrandie

▴ priscilla chong ▴ aesthetic/ personal ▴ graphic designer ▴

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I really cannot fathom my words into constellations, not that I ever usually could. But I’m so broken and this is one of the reasons that I dread reading a good book, because every good book sucks the life out of you until you fall in love with the characters and watch them break each other. 

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I was emotional and so touched throughout the whole concert, really. But when we began the first words of Holy, Holy, Holy, something broke in me. I was like God tore down yet another wall that was in the way of our relationship  I could feel his strong hands clenching at my soul, and it felt to good and it made me feel like I’ve never ever dreamt of feeling before. Everything in me told me to just let go and give it all to God, and when I looked up at the huge moon and the orange-black, starry night, I did. I truly gave it to him, and when Chris Tomlin took the stage back and closed with God’s Great Dance Floor, once more, I danced and I was alive in his word. I was living his word and I felt free.

Lover of my soul
I want to tell You
Only You have all of me

I cannot contain
My adoration
I’m in love so desperately

No one is as lovely as You are
And there is no one else
Who has my heart

Jesus, You have me completely
Every breath that I breathe
I am absolutely in love

Jesus, I am Yours forever
All of me surrenders

I am absolutely in love with You

Down upon my knees
I’m lost in worship
Humbled by Your majesty

What is there to say
But how I love You
Thank You for forgiving me

No one is as lovely as You are
And there is no one else
Who has my heart

Jesus, You have me completely
Every breath that I breathe
I am absolutely in love

Jesus, I am Yours forever
All of me surrenders
I am absolutely in love with You

All I am is Yours
Only Yours

Jesus, You have me completely
Every breath that I breathe
I am absolutely in love

Jesus, You have me completely
Every breath that I breathe
I am absolutely in love

Jesus, I am Yours forever
All of me surrenders
I am absolutely in love with You
In love with You

Starfield: Absolutely

Typing it out was like admitting it to the world. Though it was a private conversation: exposure was the only word to describe the feeling of being stripped naked, uncovered, unprotected and then visible. Redness rushed up her neck and into her cheeks as prickly numbness send shivers down her back. Her heart’s honesty was now out in the open and there was no way to fence it back in. Hoping for a peaceful heart mind and soul is one thing, but achieving it is another. And that is a path of pure madness.

love seems to bring peace into our souls and minds. it is supposed to awaken us and bring us alive. or that’s just what it may feel like after a long fight with madness.

And then I sit here, numbing my sore calves against this wooden chair. Thises and Thats and Thems and Theres are jumbling through my head and nothing comes into focus. So I lock myself away from the bright yellowing lamp and I remind myself that I will always be lonely. Because no one appreciates crazy.

I kind of hate him, and I’m not sorry.I’m not sorry that he feels weird now. I’m not sorry about the place I put him. And I’m not sorry that he’s a dick-face. But I am sorry that it effects you. But it’s okay……………….. it’ll pass.

And I’m especially sorry that I can’t say this too you. My pride is too large for my attitude but I can’t help it and I just hope that you understand this. You’re my best friend.

On a glad note,

It’s days like these that I appreciate friendships. These are the days that I remember what it’s like to have someone listen to you, and to care about your problems. I guess school really does bring out the true colors in the people around us: and even though it hurts, I am so thankful. 

Because I’m done with the ignorance and idiocy that floats around me in the stuffy air I breathe in that hell hole.

I’m going to give up on the one’s that never hoped for me. And I’m doing to start working harder on my future: because I doesn’t matter if you’re in it or not anymore. I may not even have a future with you anymore if you’re still here.

I’m just done. And this time, gladly.

I love you guys

So I show you guys my love, I show compassion to you all. I hurt myself for you guys, I give up things for you guys. 

But I’ve never really gotten anything back. So I’m not going to expect anything anymore starting now. I’m done. Because I guess I’m lucky enough that everyone deals with me.

I don’t want it anymore.

I want what you have to give me. I don’t want to beg, I don’t want to push. I want you to just tell me, “Here’s a gift from me to you, I want you to enjoy it, I love you”

How come you can’t do that for me. How come I have to beg, on my knees, crying shamelessly in front of you -and only to get a no.

That’s heartbreaking. I don’t know how many more heartbreaks I can take from you. You ruin me.